I'm sure many of you have read an older blog post on this very blog: You Don't WHAT?, I definitely view as my testimony. I felt it would be best to make a separate blog post, not only to clarify but so that you might see the growth. While many may still judge me and say I'm wrong, I'm willing to take that chance; as only God is my final judge.
So here, is what one may consider an update.
It's been three very eventful years since that night took place. Once I'd gotten out of the relationship I mentioned on the blog, I fell into an old one full of sin and rebellion for almost a year. Which is why I've been so quiet for so long. I'd never been so close to depression or pain; I'd never felt so alone or lost. When that relationship finally ceased... I was a beached whale for awhile. I began climbing back up to where I needed to be.
Unfortunately, I was still shaky on this ladder. It was during this time that the ex who'd once been so immature showed back up. It'd been two years since we were together and he'd grown up... but I soon realized his spiritual growth hadn't grown with him. He let me go without much of a fight.
I distanced myself from everyone I'd grown to love and made plans to move across the state and live with a best friend. I was ready for a complete change, a new beginning. My spiritually wasn't at the top of it's game, but my faith, through all this, remained intact. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew that God would bring me through - because He always had and always will.
I learned a lot this last summer. It was not my best year as I navigated all this unsure ground; but it was a very growing year. I've learned to take a stand, not only in things I believe but in the respect I deserve as an individual; as a daughter of Christ. There are gaps I've yet to cover, people whom I still must ask forgiveness, but I know God's perfect timing will allow for that as well as His wisdom in those coming situations.
You may be wondering about the title of this blog (and how the other one ties in), well, I'll get to that now. I never meant that I would not see other people in my older blog post. Though I am fully aware now that, that is how it came across. I only meant that I would no longer take relationships so casually. So in many people's eyes, I have failed. I believe in my heart that I have not.
Despite the ending to those two relationships in the last couple years... I did not take them lightly. I planned to follow through in my commitment to each. I was not able to, not for lack of trying, but because they were wrong for me.
With the first relationship, it was born in sin and therefore was no relationship at all. We are not to be yoked unequally (2 Cor. 6:14).
As for the second, I could not stay in a relationship with someone who depended on me for spiritual strength; God did not make women for that position (1 Cor. 11:3). Nor could I stay with someone who would watch something falling apart and do nothing about it.
I don't go out on dates every Friday night in search for "the one." I believe that God will bring him to me, if He has not already, and in dating each other it would not be because we weren't sure... but because we seen there was something there.
A relationship is about commitment. Unless I can see commitment in the long run, I won't even walk in that direction. Any guy who has shown interest in me since, knows I'm a challenge. I'm old-fashioned more or less: I don't text or call first unless there's a legitimate reason. I don't make first moves, either he does or there's nothing. Even if he makes the first move, it doesn't mean I'll accept - it just means he's man enough to risk rejection, and I appreciate that. It means he has to respect, not tolerate, my boundaries when it comes to us as a couple (what we do and don't do). It means, above all, that God is #1 in his life... that he is trusting God with his interest me and chasing me in a biblical manner.
I've learned a lot over the years. I've suffered consequences for the relationships that I invested so much time in, but I've also become stronger because of them. My past is not me, it's only been the stepping stones to bring me where I am. It's only been the textbook that I've learned so much from. Above all? It's only been the tools that my God used to shape and mold me, and it is only because of Him that I've grown in a positive way from all that I've been through.
So please, forgive me if I mislead you in any of my blogs. Contact me if you're confused on anything in any of them. We're accountable for our words, and while mine may often be understood... I do my best to back them up as I'm called to do.
God bless.
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