Children Dating...

(This was from sometime last year, I must have forgotten to post it. Well, here ya go.)

Very rarely am I at a standstill when I start to write. When God stirs my heart to write, I can pull up a document and let Him type on through with minimal grammar editing before posting. Nonetheless, there are times when I am so... overcome, by a particular subject, that no matter what I say, how I say it, or how I back it up, the final product will still fall short in all my heart has longed to put into it. Still, I must try; to try and reach one person is so much more than to do nothing and reach no one.

I am nauseated and heart-broken over all the children dating.

Could you re-read that? Let it sink in.

The young age of those entering the dating world is startling; dear my, the way we let kids walk around nowadays is startling! I pray that God is raising up a generation who will look at their young parents and be disgusted at their actions; that they would be passionate in wanting to do things better. I know that I personally look at my parents' lives and will choose to do things differently because I know the affect it had on me. Does that mean I don't love and respect them? No. I adore my parents and I am blessed to have been raised in their care. However, that doesn't mean I don't learn. We all pick out the good and bad in our parents more than anyone, because they are the primary role models in our life.

There are  10 year olds with boyfriends and girlfriends (and even younger, but I'm just not going there). It's one thing to be so young and going through those phases of "puppy love." It's an entirely different matter when that age group is allowed to... partake, in something meant for those of a more mature age.

Let me ask this... what is the point of dating? Or rather, what is the point of being interested in someone? It's not to have fun. It's not because everyone has one (a boyfriend/girlfriend). It's not to be needed or so that one isn't alone.

~My track record with guys is so all over the place that anyone looking at it would call me a hypocrite for what I'm saying now. I've had crushes, interests and serious boyfriends. Would I be who I am today without all these things? No. However, I could be that much farther... if I'd been instructed and taught from a young age what a relationship consists, requires and demands; instead of having to be self-taught via experience. I can't go back, I can only learn from my past (and you can bet it'll affect the way I raised my own children one day).

I've learned to be honest. Now I don't leave things to chance by giving mixed signals. Yes, I demand a lot from a guy. Because I will not make the first move - meaning he's got to have enough of a backbone to risk being rejected. He's got to respect me and my rather old-fashioned boundaries. Now, if I can seriously see myself settling down with him, and I don't mean envisioning this fairytale life that Disney has allowed little girls to build up of romance; I mean commitment. If I don't see commitment in the long run, I won't even start walking in that direction. If he's shown backbone, respect, and the same Godly respect for relationships as I; if I can see commitment in the long run... I would place everything in God's hands and we would go from there as God guides.

Which brings me back to - what is the point of dating? What is the point of being interested in someone? The point, the key, is the possibility of a relationship, and a relationship demands commitment.

No 10 year old in their right mind is ready to settle down, get married and have babies in the next 3-4 years. It's not even legal. So please explain to me.... WHY do we LET them DATE?? Has no one explained that they are accountable for every meaningless "I love you" they promise to this week-long boy/girlfriend (Matthew 12:36)??

How can we expect our boys to grow as gentleman and our girls to be classy, when we won't teach them the core of a romantic relationship? When we haven't raised them to understand that the essence of love goes beyond feelings and emotions?

There's not one marriage out there that's going to be happy-happy all 67 years. More than likely, especially in the beginning, there will be a lot of working things out. A couple has to learn to live together as husband and wife; they are still being molded by God to be a well functioning team.

But no... that's not what we're teaching our children to do. We've waved our hands and said, "Go ahead. Choose who you like and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out you can always leave." You cannot tell your child that and then expect them to believe divorce is wrong...

Can you imagine learning to be such a team when the man you married, had barely had a chance to say hello to you? God is a match-maker, He brought Isaac and Rebekah together in that such manner (Genesis 24). Now what if they had chosen to date others? Back then, an interest in someone was serious. So Isaac and/or Rebekah would've had broken hearts from previous engagements. They would've had that much more to work on in learning how to be spouses. I know whenever I marry, my husband and I will have much to work on due to my past, because relationships are still that serious; they still leave that kind of impact.

However, a lot of people are not going to have this attitude, because we allowed our children to date casually. We taught them that there is always an "out" when things get bad. We made divorce an option in one of God's most sacred unions.

God is merciful (Psalm 86:15, Psalm 145:8, Luke 6:36, Hebrews 8:12, James 5:11) He redeems (Psalm 34:22, 103:4, Isaiah 44:21). Nonetheless, it is still a responsibility to parents to teach their children according to God's will (Deuteronomy 4:9-10, 6:7, 11:19, Proverbs 3). Part of that teaching is to understand relationships, regardless of the style with which they approach them (i.e. dating, courting), , it should be with a sobering reverence. If the parents don't start teaching their children the difference between a "date" and a "relationship," if the parents don't start teaching them how to approach such a delicate topic as this... they've failed. We've failed. Those children will grow up to get married and it won't work out like in the movies... they'll divorce and I believe we'll be just as responsible as they are for that behavior.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

- Hebrews 13:4 (NASB)