For girls especially! Girls would sit around their whole life until a potential husband finally came along (and if he didn't stick around they'd just be waiting again!). If girls were to get into their early twenties and not be married, they were in some serious trouble.
Now we have the 21st century... Where women have too many rights (whoops - am I stepping on toes?) and no sense of how to use them. I'm serious! Finally ladies, we're at a point where we pursue any career God has called us to (IN JEAN PANTS) and not have to take as much backhand for it. We can finally set men aside and go after God whole-heartily! And what do we do? ... We sit in our rooms, staring in mirrors, crying as we figure out what could be so wrong that we don't have a date Friday night. Are you kidding me?
I'm not saying that relationships are bad, or feelings are bad, or marriage is bad. God made us to be relational beings, He gave us feelings and (gasp!) He even gave us a desire to be a wife, a helpmate, as we raise families.
But we have to find a balance.
Of course there are boys and girls alike who are single and are trying to please God in this time. I'm one of them... but it doesn't mean we're oblivious to the couple-takeover culture we're in; it's hard.
I've been in five relationships over my life. I know two of them shouldn't even be there because the guys were never more than friends to me. The remaining three shouldn't have been there because none of them are still around! Nonetheless... I know what it's like to have been in a relationship. It's nice always having someone to lean on; someone who cares. It's hard to stick it out alone when you're in groups where everyone's got a hand to hold or arms to be in except you.
You know whats harder? Investing yourself in a relationship that you weren't meant to be in in the first place.
God redeems; He's used everything I've been through to bring me where I am... but in the middle of it all, I gave precious, precious, purity away. Maybe not physically... but mentally and emotionally. I am going to have to live with that for the rest of my life (not the guilt though, as condemnation is not of God). What hurts though is that if I'd paid attention then I would not have had to lose any of it.
So I found myself in a dilemma. I wanted to be single... but I still wanted someone. I at least wanted the satisfaction of knowing when that someone would come. That's human nature though isn't it? If we can't have it now, tell us when (then we probably still wont be happy).
Over the last couple days I allowed God to sift through all this confusion in my heart... and He brought clarity, as He always does. Just last night, He began to piece everything together in front of me. Bear with me now, I'm getting to my point (besides, you had to know this was going to be long when you opened it!).
Throughout yesterday Abba laid it on my heart to do a word study on submit:
In the Old Testament (Hebrew) I found only one word for submit and it was intense. In the New Testament (Greek), there was quite a couple meanings to go through until God showed me the one for this situation.
Raphac (Hebrew) -
to stamp oneself down; humble oneself
Hupotasso (Greek) -
(in non-military term) a voluntary attitude of giving in; cooperating; assuming responsibility; and carrying a burden
Did you catch all that? Read them again.
We need to stop focusing on time for one; for another, we need to get our attitudes right.
"How long will I have to be single?" or "How long will I have to wait?" because admit it, no matter how much you're "taking this time as a single person to give it to God," you ask that question. I asked it! Honestly it's why I was never fully able to give everything to being single - I didn't want to be single, at least not for an indefinite amount of time!
You know, I believe I have a husband out there. I have no idea when he will come into my life, or (if he's already in my life) as more than a friend or acquaintance. However, instead of freaking out on if he will come before I'm 30... I've just got to submit to God and take it a day at a time.
Hear this truth... for God is saying, "Stop worrying about how long... just stop." It's time to resolve to be single.
Resolve means a firm determination to do something. I know many of us have made this resolve, but it's time to take it a step further:
- Wake up every morning and ask God for a hungry heart for Him.
- Before you go to sleep each night, ask God for a thirst that can only be quenched by Him.
- Take moments you are alone and be productive! Read His word, listen to some Holy Spirit led worship... love on Him.
Realize you aren't ready for a relationship and be grateful for this time God can work on your character... without the hassle of a boy/girlfriend or significant other. Instead of dreading the time you're on your own... realize it may not be going to last forever and embrace it.
It's going to be downright challenging sometimes; through Christ however, this is possible... to submit our feelings into His hands (for our wills to be stamped down as we humble ourselves). To willingly give in, cooperate and assume our responsibility of carrying this burden.
I'm almost done, promise!
Now a lot of how this goes is going to depend on how willing your attitude is... so I encourage you because you'll be surprised how quickly time will go by; and how much you'll want this back so you can cherish it... why not just embrace it now and be glad you did when you look back? We are not alone, for God is with us, we just have to take it one day at a time.
So before you stop reading, let me leave you with this:
You're in a singular state right now. Singular means "exceptionally good or great; remarkable" and some synonyms to that are "uncommon; extraordinary." Embrace this time, because it's really a beautiful time. When those hard days come, and they will, [girls] find an sister in Christ to keep you accountable as well as to comfort. [Guys] find a brother who can provide that support.
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