Just Hold Out

The scars you leave on someone, or allow someone to give you, will carry into your next relationship; eventually, they will follow you down the aisle to the altar and onto your future spouse.

They will be overcome, mended, and healed... but are they worth it?


The other day while on Twitter, someone that I followed joked about having a "twifey" or "twitter wife." I don't think I've ever been so broken as that night when I watched as girls jumped up all around to be the one he picked; as he started looking through their profiles... as he laid down the ground rules: had to love God, had to be in each other's bio, and ... no divorce. It broke my heart! When did marriage become something to joke about? To play with?? Now we see everyone "married" to their boy/girlfriend on Facebook. Is it only in God's eyes that married is still sacred?

What if that young man's future wife had been right there. Would her thoughts of him had changed? Would she be one of the girls who'd jumped to be his wife ... and then overlooked because it wasn't yet the timing? Well... now he's got someone else and "divorce" isn't allowed. For as long as he may be married to her one day... he'll already have been/be "married" to some other girl. Wait till she gets irritated and asks for him to change his bio.

Such a simple thing and could have easily been avoided. Now... emotions may get tangled over something so playful and eventually lead to broken hearts.


This morning my heart started hurting again as I contemplated my own past and the way it's just a part of my generation. If something doesn't work, we don't fix it. We go to the manufacturer, we email people complaints, we then complain about how long it takes them to fix it. I am growing up in a generation who doesn't like to wait. We want what we want, and we want it now.

Sadly, this hasn't stopped with the material things in our life; it has carried over into our relationships.

I cannot stress enough to WAIT! Just hold out!


Men of God: Wait for your girl. Seek God, learn with God the dances you'll be taking in life. Learn to love from Him and not the imperfect people who may be models in your life. Run, run, RUN away from the lusts of this world; this drive-through world where porn is as accessible going down the street as it is on the internet.

When a girl comes along, don't just chase her. Before you even think about pursuing her... pursue God. Be relentless! Don't you dare give up in your prayers until you get an obvious Yes, No, or Wait. Don't take a maybe and jump on it. Because if she's "not the one" that had better be your reason for not going after the relationship; not your excuse for ending it.

Yes. It's an excuse. God WILL tell you if she's the one or not before you even go after her. If you chose not to seek Him and secure a relationship with a girl who isn't your future wife, you will have heartache. Either in the continuous relationship with that girl, or in the ending of that relationship. Either way, it will affect you for the life you have yet to live.

Be wise; be discerning. (See Deuteronomy 32:29)
I think this verse is very profound; it reminds me of aharit, which is a Hebrew word that means "back" or "end," which we are warned to heed. From my notebook (while reading Go and Sin No More) I wrote something I read, "Proverbs 19:20 translated literally, means, 'Listen to counsel and receive discipline/instruction so that you will be wise in your final end; in your aharit.'" Men of God... seek tachbulah before you go after a girl because you can or want to. Be discerning before you pull a girl into something that involves her heart. Females were made to be emotional; you have no right to play with that emotion. In fact, you are responsible in protecting and respecting this huge aspect of us. Don't take it lightly.


Women of God: Don't leave it all on the guys' shoulders. I used to be one of those who thought, well God show him. If he's pursuing me then he must have gone to you first. I beg of you! Do not assume! Because most guys will say whatever it takes and leave you anyway! If he is not yours, don't try to claim him.

If you let yourself melt into the arms of a man who isn't meant to hold you for life, then it's not his fault when the breakup/heartache comes. It's not his fault or God's fault. Don't pin it on them. Don't take your mistakes and blame it on either of them. I don't care how rotten of a boyfriend he was, you fell for him when you could have sought God and avoided the whole mess.

Seek God... when a man starts to show interest, seek God. Do not tie yourself to someone who isn't meant to be yours. Just don't do it! Most of us have already been there... we know what happens. Why do we repeat this pattern?!

Guard your hearts. (see Proverbs 4:23)
In guarding our hearts we're told to watch over it diligently. Let's look a little deeper; please see the meaning in Hebrew for watch and diligent. Ladies, from what we're given here, we're to: make a strict decision to keep everything out of our heart ... that has not been approved by God. Got that? If a man knocks on the door of your heart, don't let him enter.
If he is your husband to be... he will not run or lose faith. He will seek God and wait for HIM to open that door. It doesn't matter what comes up, it doesn't matter how long God says wait... he will.

-Please note this doesn't mean you have to be mean. Just know your boundaries and don't let him, or you, cross them. I highly suggest "friend-zoning" all guys. Jerks wont take it and they'll leave. Friends are friends and it will help keep your emotions at bay. Your future husband? Well, he's not going to stay there forever...once he has God's "Yes" then he will work for your heart; he will cherish it. You will know when to let him in, because God will open the door. Yes, God will open the door when it's the right guy. Not you. Now.. if you go convincing yourself that he is the right guy and insist on letting him in, God won't stop you. He's given us free will.


Now, for those of you who see me as being quite harsh right now, let me reiterate: this is out of a broken heart. Not just broken out of compassion, but because I've been there and broken by the same things I just spoke of.

My soon to be husband and I were in arms length of each other for over two years. He is family to a group of people that I was always hanging around with. In those approximate years, we met twice. Twice. The first time was at a church camp where we were introduced... then I went to bed. No words were exchanged more then hello and good night. The second time was at a family's house for worship; I might have said hello when he showed up to be polite, but I just went on eating my pizza.

I poked around for him on Facebook afterward, but I never added him as a friend because I heard God very strictly say "No. Wait." I don't think I've ever heard him so clearly. I would poke around for him occasionally, because he would just pop into my head out of the blue. There was always a feeling.. like something more would happen with this man. I never paid it any mind. I brushed him off and went on with my life.

I had ups and downs with my relationship with God. I went back and forth from two "serious" relationships... and I was left with a broken heart. I'm not bitter with any of my exes, in fact I care for them and continue to pray for them. I'm no longer hurting from them; but I did hurt. I hurt badly. I was scarred and they are responsible for those scars ... but I am responsible for providing the knife that they scarred me with. That is on me.

I can't take back those years; I can only take the lessons that I was given from them. However, if I had waited... then God could have used those years to grow me differently; spiritually. I can't say how things would've worked out, but I know it could have been with less hurt.

If  in going through all this and looking back, I am able to encourage one person to wait and seek God, then I am grateful. Any relationship entered please just ask yourself this...

Are the scars I'm going to leave/allow on/from this person going to be worth putting on my future spouse?