Just Friends

I have guy friends who have come to me and said "hey you know, I'm helping this girl out" or "this girl just needs someone to listen, so I told her I'll be there for her". And the same with my girlfriends, they'll mention to me about how they're helping a guy out. They don't realize why this can irk me so much.. I mean, it's just being there, being a friend.. right?



The thing is as innocent as all of this can start out, I've come to learn attachments can and do form; I felt strongly the need on my heart to bring attention to this.


Let's say... a guy is being there for a girl to talk to at any time, and she takes him up on that..all the time; almost like one of her girl friends.

Chances are very likely she'll fall for him if she has not already. The guy never meant for that to happen, he was just being a good friend.. This ends up in a broken heart and, a lot of the time, a broken friendship.

If a girl is being there for a guy, and he's has no guy friends, or at least no friends he can talk to the way he can open up to her. On this end he's falling for her, and even if she cares deeply about him..it's as a friend. Another heartbroken, another friendship ruined.

We are wired by God to have friends, to form emotional attachments and be connected. How else do we love? or feel compassion? What else could motivate us to forgive? God knew we needed friends, He built us to have that ability. Having friends is a good thing:

A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.
-Proverbs 17:17


Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
-John 15:13


But whoever has the world's goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?
-1 John 3:17


Friends, family, close relationships.. we have them for those times of pain and trouble. Friends, guys and girls alike, encourage and uplift us.


So listen, because I'm not saying that guys and girls can't be friends. I actually have plenty of guy friends. But when I really need someone to be there or talk to, I go to one of my sisters in Christ that God's blessed me with, first.


I know they can handle what I need to dish out better than a guy would, and I know that by going to them, that's one less heart I have to worry about messing with; even if unintentionally.

I'm definitely not saying that we can't help each other either, we all have way different things to offer.


The thing is: we really do need to be careful with the friendships we build and how exactly they are being built.. a lot of the time (if you're watching) you can see the attachments forming, it's not like they just appear overnight and drop a bomb on you. There are warning signs; and, if ignored, you're taking a piece of someone's heart.


Are you a guy who knows a girl that really doesn't have any friends? Or she just needs someone to talk to? Are you seeing warning signs of attachment? Let one another one of your girl friends. Tell them you have a friend who just needs a friend, but it really can't be you she's depending on. And vice versa if you're the girl with a guy friend. (Did not mean to sound like some commercial there.)


Or maybe she/he does have other friends! And you two just hit it off, deep conversations, the works. If you really feel that a topic is crossing lines, tell them! Straight out. This is something you and one of your sisters need to talk about. Or, hey man, this isn't a subject you need to be talking about with me; talk to one of your buds.


It's not always an easy thing to do. Maybe that person will just feel like you're dumping them off to someone else; or that you really don't care.. trust me! I've had to do this myself. I want to be there for the whole world (guys and girls alike), but the truth is that's just not possible. Do you remember 1 John 3:17? When we see a need in a friend, and don't do something about it (for fear of hurting their feelings) when in the long run we know it would really benefit them; we are not showing real love.




I have a picture for you:


It's the day you've been dreaming about for quite some time now.. your wedding day. Whether you're the groom standing nervously at the front, or the anxious bride who's just about ready to head down the aisle..you're excited!


The flower girl, the ring bearer, groomsmen and bridesmaids..they've all made their way down and are now standing in anticipation for the bride herself!!


The music starts... everyone stands.. and the bride appears at the beginning of the aisle with her hand on the arm of the first man she ever loved, her dad.


The groom watches, his eyes watering..she's so beautiful! And she's all his- her father than hands her off to another man in the aisle and he continues to take her down to the one man she'll spend the rest of her life with.


It seems like nothing's changed, the newlyweds-to-be are still locked in each other's gaze; but with almost every other slow step, and the bride is handed off to another man...


I hope you got the picture, it could also work for the groom, (I felt it was easier to put and clearer to see/understand seeing as the bride is the one making her way down the aisle).




Guys.. if you love the girls in your life, be a brother to them (as you should!), and help to protect and guard them from having to "collect" pieces of their heart on their way to the front. You wouldn't want that to be your bride.


And girls.. look out for your brothers, can you imagine watching your groom's mind flashback to every girl who had his heart? or every place his eyes strayed? No, it would break the intimacy meant for marriage alone.


This isn't about who should be your friends and who shouldn't, or you can ONLY have girls as friends if you're a girl. Or if you're a guy you shouldn't even TALK to a girl you'd like to be friends with.. No. This is about watching our hearts; but also, watching out for our friends’ hearts.


Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
-Proverbs 4:23